Festivities?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy playing and frolicking and celebrating and skipping through fields (aka partying). I've been good and, more importantly, safe in the process, don't worry. I'm not much of a drinker (you've seen me, right? If not, here's a picture of my side. Do I look like I could handle more than a few drinks?) and what I did drink (a screwdriver...one...at each party) was poured by me and never left my sight. Haha! Tricked you, Mr. Spooky! I could be mean and post the names of the three people who asked me out (since they so willingly gave their names), but I'm a good girl, I am! Besides, they obviously haven't read this blog if they've asked me out.
Oh, and for christmas, I got money and booze (a bottle of vodka)! I'd offer vodka to people like I did with the noodles, but A) There's not a lot left, and B) It's my vodka, dammit! Besides, then I'd have to ID people and it would just be a hassle. Thankfully, I've become somewhat of a mixologist, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Anyway, class starts soon, so ciao!

Tasty Noodles

I have some tasty, tasty noodles. Just thought you should all know. I'll get fat eating so late at night, but I wanted noodles. If anyone wants some and you know where I live, I have plenty. We can celebrate Christmas early with a feast of noodles. Thanks for at least considering it if you don't show up on time, but I should have enough for the next 24 hours on my own, so show up for a noodly breakfast! These noodles are round, thick, hot, and dripping in broth, much like...HA! Noodles! In fact, that's what they are! Made you think dirty, didn't I? Except for Dudel...you could really use some of these noodles. Don't worry, they're perfectly safe, just noodles and broth, no drugs or poisons or bodily fluids or soap or any other nastiness. Free noodles to readers! Just say "Zoltan". I'll give you noodles if I have them, but I won't open the door and I expect the tupperware back. I'll give you roughly a pint of noodly goodness through the crack in the door that's only as long as the chain holding it shut. That's just creepy if you want to get in and share your noodly goodness with me, because I won't accept it! (You could have drugged your broth! You are that kind of bezoomny chelloveck, after all. You'd poison a poor, defenseless devotchka and crast all her deng, not to mention tolchock her gulliver and commit the ultra-violence on her! In her own domy! Well, I'm not interessovated in that kind of grahzny chepooka cal. I'd razrez your yarbles!)

I do, right?

I have recently been accused of not having a soul by someone I'm sure reads this blog, whether or not they admit to it. He said I need to find one before I can have a soulmate and he seemed rather insistent. He's wrong, right? I have a soul, don't I? Don't I? I'm not sure what it looks like because I haven't seen it in a while, but I'm sure if I looked hard enough I could find it. Or do I really not have one? Where would I look? What if it's dusty or fragile or already broken? Is it something I could have sold like a chicken? What if it was the chicken? No, I don't think it was. Maybe I gave it to someone and thought it was a fruitcake? Maybe there's only one soul and I don't have it today? Maybe it really is like a fruitcake, being passed around for eternity. Maybe I didn't inherit one? Maybe there's a soul gene? I'm sure I would have gotten that, right? What if I have thousands of souls and lose one every month? What if it's something that girls don't have? Maybe it's like a hymen and breaks the first time? Maybe it's like something else and gets removed at a certain point in life? Well, if you're reading this, o great expert on souls, you could answer some of my questions? Maybe someone else can confirm that I do, indeed, have a soul? I promise a hug to the first person! It's redeemable upon actually meeting me in person, of course, and I'm a very busy girl. Maybe being busy a lot means I have no soul? What if I baked it into a cake? Mmm, soul cake.

Apple Juice or Milk?

I was bored today, so I asked random classmates whether they preferred apple juice or milk and I was surprised; more than 3/4 of the 19 (16, specifically) I asked said milk! Why would anyone choose milk over apple juice in flavor? I personally like apple juice more if you couldn't guess that from my personality alone. I can't stand milk, especially not strawberry milk. Strawberries are good and milk is meh, but together, they're horrid! Terrifying! Who decided "hey, I'm going to mix a heavenly berry with some stuff that comes out of an animal!"? Perish the thought! It's wrong! An abomination! That person must be shot in the face after they die to make sure they don't invent anything else, even post-mortem! But what was I saying? Oh yeah. Apple juice is a wonderful substance capable of giving people superpowers! Who can say no to something that awesome?

And time for a random picture from IndyMogul of the YouTube community (introduced to me by Jikei): The Incredibly Pink Hulk!

I'm sorry

This post is mostly for those who don't know much about me or haven't read other posts.
I just wanted to specify that while I don't always apologize for things, I do honestly care that I've done something offensive. I usually try to keep my mistakes in mind so I don't make them again, but if I come across as a bitch because I won't apologize, I'm sorry. I don't mean to offend, though I know that what I say can sometimes be offensive. I understand it if people are offended and I will try to remedy it somehow. I will not apologize, however, if someone tells me to because I do, occasionally, have the temper that matches my 12-year-old-boy-with-long-hair appearance.
I only bring this up because lately, my posts have been either incomprehensible or sexually-driven, and for that, I apologize. I'm not apologizing for my attitude at the time or the content of the posts, but that I shared them without considering how much others may be offended. I'll tone it down a little if I can. I know my readers (both of you that I know of anyway) and you're mature enough to handle the content, but I'm sorry anyway. I shouldn't have posted it without first thinking about what you expect to see on this blog. All I ask is that you forgive me for speaking like I have been instead of as the opinionated little bitch I am (and don't you dare chastise me for calling myself that).
And I'm sure at least one of you ("big brother", so to speak) would like to know what brought this on, but it's not hard to figure out. I'm alone and therefore not exposed to a certain environmental factor that alter my judgment. Instead of hot breath, I have hot bread. It's almost the same, only it's two letters off.

Happy Late Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is over where I am. It is now Black Friday! I shall celebrate it by staying home and laughing at people who are wasting their time and risking their lives over the newest toys and games at 10% off! It's so much fun. Maybe I'll visit somebody. Maybe I'll spend more time screaming my boyfriend's name? Who cares, honestly. It's my life after all. There you have it. Those are my Black Friday plans. Cyber Monday will be so much fun! Not that I'll shop. I reinterpret the "holiday" a little. I think that should be understood by all. If you're wondering why my posts on this blog and my other one make very little sense, it's because I have someone distracting me. With teeth. Though I still prefer werewolves to vampires. Especially the sparkly ones. What the hell is that about? Do the sweat heavily and it's more of a glistening? Speaking of sweating, I'm going to get off now and go to bed.

All Hail Me!

I have returned from the land of the dead! I return with greater health! I shall slay that flu one me at a time! In other words, I was sick for a while, then too lazy to tell everyone. Now I have nothing to say but to share my illness with everyone. And by Share My Illness, I don't mean that illness. I mean I want to share my opinion on getting sick. Obviously, I don't like it. I'm not a masochist, just a cannibal, got it? I want to say that I much prefer quick illnesses to the flu. Getting sick keeps me away from school and believe it or not, I like going to school. I get to cut things up. For money. Yeah. Anyway, on topic. I didn't get swine flu, at least, and dammit, it's swine flu and H1N1. Just cuz some idiots in Arkansas (not everyone there is an idiot, just a random state. It was most likely in Ohio) thought you could get it from eating pork doesn't mean I'ma call it something else. They called it swine flu, people, not pork flu. It's not Mad Cow Disease. Anyway, now I've got a cold, so I'm all sniffly and cute. Luckily, I know a great way to boost my immune system and he's waiting for me to post this.

The Low Road

This is my high road, obviously. I've just made a low road, for anything like, err, anything that doesn't go on here. It'll be my wutevs blog unlike my opinion blog, which is this one. It's probs not going to be popular, but this one's not so I don't care. Right now there's a wonderfully "philosophical" post there. Want to know where it is? I want to play a game. Most of this link is for this blog. One letter is for the other blog.
I hope this works: The Low Road
In my preview it looks like it works. If it doesn't, oh well, no flu off my swine.

Hrm...

I've not come up with something to post, but I had to post something or you'd all probs think I spontaneously combusted. I didn't. I'm alive and well. I haven't been doing a lot lately outside of homework and it's really tiresome. I'll have to do something. Jikei suggested dancing or painting. I'd rather dance, to be honest, but I don't really have the talent for either. I'd end up on my ass, half bleeding to death. For either of them, honestly. I'm not the most graceful person in the world. I should probs end this now and get some sleep. Just thought I'd publically thank Jikei for the suggestions. Anyone else have any suggestions? I've been putting off the music rant 'cuz I don't care. I have no opinion on it. That reminds me, a certain site suggested a band, Abney Park, in their sidebar. I must say, they are an interesting bunch.

Follower?

When did I get a follower?! Who are you?! (And how did you find such wonderful blogs as "Fuck You, Penguin"? I actually mean it IS a wonderful blog. I love it!). I don't really have much to say to anyone, especially not a random person I never met, but I guess you're okay.
In case anyone else reading this was wondering, I've been very busy with classes. Next year will be even harder with all the laws and such I'll have to remember about this field...
I should lengthen this post somehow. A picture or something.

There.

Discussion Time!

I figured by the success of the last discussion and its innuendos, I'd take the time to hear your opinions. Today, the opinion will be about safe sex. My opinion probably echoes most Americans'. If you haven't figured it out yet, I like sex (like most people), but I don't wanna get preggers. So if any of you ever end up with me, only one prick per rubber, please. I am picky, however, so that'll probably never happen. Got that? No fun-e binness.
Keep the conversation as clean as possible, please. I don't want it getting out of hand, so I will take out comments that offend me too much, kay? Sounds fair.

A New Direction

I'm bored with ranting. I think I'll talk about other things now, like the stuff I like to do, things I can do with my friends (or alone, if I so choose), or even what I'm wearing. I like to look my best, of course, and have no problem wearing designer clothes all the time. By designer clothes, I don't mean that pre-destroyed sh!t at Abercrombie or other equally sh!tty mall stores. I like stuff designed by people no one's heard of, like certain friends of mine (who make clothes). So, without further ado, here's what I'm wearing:

See? I'm not a lemming! I'm pretty, got it? Deal with it or I'll rub all of your toes together until they get blisters!
Also, that picture was taken earlier in the day, around 2.

Cannibalism

You were waiting for this, weren't you? I thought so. Once you heard that Jikei and I met based on our beliefs on the subject, you just had to know. Am I right?
I have nothing wrong with cannibalism. There are certain people I'd prefer no one else ate, but what can I say? Capitalism and Cannibalism rhyme for a reason. If cannibalism was legalized, I would be the first to eat human flesh. I'd grill it after marinating it in lemon and chives. I'm sure the sourness from the lemon would be horrible with salty human flesh, but the muscle would be good. I'd have to cover it in barbecue sauce afterward. That would be divine! I'd have to put it in something else.A bun or something. I don't think I could do straight human steak. I could do cheek. human cheeks, grilled, along with some grilled carrots and celery...mmm...
And no, I have never killed anyone. I don't want to kill anyone. I'd eat it if it was legalized and human meat was sold in stores, between beef and pork.
Oh, and I'd consider brining it instead of lemon/chive marinade.

Hair Dye

I like to dye my hair. I don't dye it unnatural colors or anything, I just dye it brown, red, black, whatever. It looks horrible black and I know it, but that's what I do. So, got a problem with it? I don't. If someone wants to dye their hair lime green, though, it had better be for a good reason. We can't have those freaks walking the streets, polluting our beautiful hair color palette! Sure, paintings look better with lots of colors, but people aren't paint! I don't want someone walking down my street looking like this!

People aren't meant to look like that. Neither are Lemmings. There's nothing wrong with an over-sized shirt every once in a while (I sleep in one, but mine's got short sleeves), but green hair? Really? Someone needs to burn every place that sells those colors. Better yet, someone needs to feed them to the people who buy them. That serve them right.

And I know I've probably offended people, so I'll apologize and pretend I didn't suggest killing people. I won't do it, I swear. Cross my heart and all that jazz.

Pornography

Ah ha! Pornography. Most common thing on the internet. Why? People look at it and it's easy to make. Hey, I didn't say it was all well-done. I've seen some horrible porn. Like, they spent all of 5 seconds editing it, if that. I like the kind that has some effort put into it. Yes, I said it. I like porn. The only kinds of people I know who don't are:

• Children (who can't legally look at it)
• Zealots (Who follow their religion to a T)
• Liars (Who pretend they don't, but actually watch it)

Yeah, more people watch it than admit to watching it. Kind of like masturbation. I don't see why people don't admit they do it. Everyone's done it at least once in their lives (unless they couldn't).
Face it, we've all looked at porn and we've all masturbated. Admit you do it and get it off your chest. I mean that figuratively, but I'm sure a few of you may actually be doing one or both right now. I don't want to hear about it if you are. It's private. Admit you do it, not that you are doing it. Got that?
After all, the internet is for porn.

Old Men

I know I touched on the subject in my previous post, but I wanted to expand on it. I believe I said my next post would be about a book, but it's not, so deal with it. I'll blog about what I want to blog about when I want to blog about it, dammit!
So, anyone else think old men are awesome? I do. I love being around old people in general, as long as they're not the perverted type. The only excuse I have to indulge their fantasies is that they're going to die soon. They want to see a moderately average girl dance for them? Fine. They want poon? Hell no. I'm not into old men like that. Old men may kick ass and have cool stories, but they're still old and I'm not a whore. I do enjoy casual sex, but with people my own age who I know are safe. Old men should do the same. It's not like they have to worry about getting an old woman pregnant. Why exactly do old men get off on girls my age? Okay, that makes sense, but why ones like me? I'm hopelessly average. Why can't they just look at porn?
Did I just promote pornography? Yes, I did, but more on that in my next post.

New Recruit!

I've been recruited to this blogging thing now, so if I seem a little hesitant, it's 'cause I'm new to this and haven't done it before. Forgive me for being a little awkward, 'k? So what do you all think of me? Probs nothing, but I'll listen if you tell me what you think of what I say. Promise.

What to talk about, what to talk about. How about a movie? No? Maybe a book? Not into that? Well, I like books, so I'll say something about those later, 'k?

I know, I'll talk about myself! I know myself. I know what I like to say about myself. I know what people lie about when they talk to me about me (like those who think I'm pretty, 'cause I'm not). I like foods with strong flavors, books, video games, board games, small children (not large ones or older ones. They piss me off), cookies (mix of all 4 flavors), hygeine, and old people. Old people are awesome, don't ya think? Especially the old women who say whatever they want. Old men who do it are a little creepy. They always talk to me and check me out and aren't afraid to tell me they want me. It's creepy. Really, can't they get old poon? They gotta hit on little girls?

Back to me...I dislike the old men I was talking about, poachers, other criminals, mean people, people who don't defend what they believe in, unhealthy food, and goats. Goats scare me.

Oh, and the name for this blog comes from my name. Hellban is what all my friends call me 'cause it's a hell of a lot cooler than Hayley Bannon. You agree? Feel free to tell me! I'll try to answer, got it? If I don't answer it's 'cause I'm busy, so wait patiently, 'k?